some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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