I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
