he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
