I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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