A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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