I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
