A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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