I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
