Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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