True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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