if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
no more duck duck goose at the bar
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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