So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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