As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
