Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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