i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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