Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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