My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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