I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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