I'm jealous of your bromance
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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