I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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