I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
