Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
