New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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