Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
