dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
