I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
