Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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