thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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