Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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