She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
