Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
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Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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