I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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