So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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