You made me cry and you don't even care
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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