Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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