He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
