Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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