she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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