We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
