Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
