so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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