you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
