If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
