she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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