If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
