I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
