I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Bring me that man meat
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
