shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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