For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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