I hate all girls vehemently.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
