I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
