how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
