i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
