addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
