is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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