If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
