I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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