I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
