i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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