I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
