OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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