I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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