Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
