I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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